Well I'm sorry if you don't enjoy an avid discussion debating whether Justin Bieber has a ______.
(let's keep it PG). Any how, the topic of today's blog is... *drumroll*... public transport etiquette. *ba-dum-tish!*
Ah yes. It is a well known fact that there are a few unwritten laws that the general public seem to abide by when travelling to their various destinations. The first I've noticed is the "I ALWAYS sit here, therefore I will even sacrifice sitting next to the fat, smelly businessman in order to honour my insignificant tradition.
Oh yes, I also have a favorite seat, and yesterday while sitting in that seat, (Oh what a coincidence!) a man with a horrible permeating stench that was beyond suffocating, decided out of all the available seats to sit next to me. Maybe Rebecca Black could have given him advice on "what seat to take" because I almost died of lung poisoning from that man's smell. Not only that, he proceeded to grumble for the whole ride, every so often turning to view my cleavage before grumbling again , like I had any interest in what he was saying.
Hey, at least those people have the decency to use earphones. It's worse being stuck on a bus with someone who just decides to blast their crappy, audio-tuned remixes straight out of their sub-standard phone speakers while having a one-person mosh pit.
True... especially if it's Black or Beiber. I get so very tempted to rebut, and slap them in the face with a good, loud dose of SOAD or Slipknot. It breaks my heart to know that if I were to do that, and it did turn into a war, it'd probably cost me an unhealthy fine and the confiscation of my iPod. What's another law you've noticed, Other One?
Having girly D&Ms with your biffle is not exactly the best idea, especially while sitting next to male passengers, who unbeknownst to you are listening to every word of your intense "woman's only" discussion. Although it is not necessary to listen in on these discussions, it does make for an interesting bus ride once your iPod has depleted to 1% battery and you'd rather not have a conversation with aforementioned the smelly business man sitting beside you.
"Ohmaigawd babez, so last night at the party so-and-so TOTEZ hooked up with that hottie in the polo behind the pool shed, but when heard them I thought O-M-G I was gonna go up to himmm! I definitely spotted him first. What a biatch." Indeed, they are quite amusing. The last rule is the summer armpit rule. If you've got sweat-patches or are reeking like a fat, smelly businessman, all the seats are taken, and the only option is to reach up to the ceiling to one of those handles, don't. It's better to lean on the wall or stumble every time the bus/train moves than to insult everyone else near you with your poignant stench.
Indeed, "That One" , nothing makes a bus ride more pleasurable and fulfilling than face planting into someones delightful smelling armpit. It's even more awkward when you pull away and have to pretend that nothing has happened when the only thing you want to do is drown yourself in a bath of dettol. Deodorant was invented for a reason, and if it doesn't help you just go get your sweat glands cut out or something, spare the poor, hard-working bus-catching people from your self-produced air pollution.
At least we can be grateful that, for the most part, people abide by this law and keep their arms down and their pit-sweat concealed. Pretty sure that's it for today. No other rules immediately spring to mind.
Farewell to all, especially on those buses and trains.
That One & Other One
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